Relationship Bridge Building

Attitude Changes Everything

"Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude."--William James 

Whenever there is conflict with someone, allow the conflict to be a trigger to explore with curiosity what is at the root of the conflict, rather than engaging in a tug or war over which one of you is correct. If you approach the conflict knowing you both have valid points, then you strengthen your relationship by developing win/win solutions.

Quote: Violence

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent"

- -Salvor Hardin.

I think this quote say it all. People who are competent, intelligent and resourceful will find other ways to persuade and influence. When a person resorts to violence, what they are really saying is they are out of any other options and can’t comprehend a better way.

Self-Growth Quote

"We have to hear our real desires, have the courage to stand up for ourselves, and believe that our own voices are the most important ones we will hear. It means we trust ourselves enough to direct our own lives. . .If you get stuck with someone who wants to contain your growth or control who you are, then you might as well choose to be alone."

--Sheila Ellison

I have always believed it is best to be alone than to be with the wrong person. This is why it is critical for individuals to know and like themselves so they are comfortable spending time alone. When we don't know who we are, we may think we need a significant other to complete us. When we don't like who we are, we don't enjoy our own company and are looking for a partner to fill our time.

When individuals make the decision to become involved in a relationship, it should be because they have something to offer another person and because they would like intimacy in their lives. It should not be because they are looking for another person to "complete" them, nor should it be because they need intimacy in their lives.

Next time you contemplate beginning a new relationship, do it when you are content to be alone and this relationship is simply an enhancement to your already full life.

Why not pick up our Relationship Tip Sheet? It's filled with great advice about how to make your relationship even better.

Quote: Susan Jeffers

"The more love we project, the more loving people we will attract. Guess what we attract when we project neediness, judgment, or any of those other love-destroying qualities?"

                             --Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.

This quote seems to punctuate my point in the post that we must become the person we need to be in order to attract into our lives that special someone we have been dreaming of. During our alone time or time between relationships, we need to take stock of exactly who we are and determine if we have what it takes to attract and then, to maintain the relationship we are craving.

Sometime when you are between relationships, you can really be grieving the loss. If you want to learn how to Prepare to Love Again, check out our Home Study Course. It might be just what you need to heal yourself and move forward.

Quote: Dale Carnegie

"It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about."

--- Dale Carnegie

What you think about expands. If you think of the things you lack, then you will get more of the same. If you think in terms of gratitude for that which already exists in your life, then you will experience more of that. This is so simple, it is a no-brainer. Which would you rather? It’s as easy as changing what you think about. Whenever you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, recognize what you are doing and quickly focus your attention on something positive in your life.

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Relationship Quote

"We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities."

--Jacques Maritain

If you are looking for the perfect person to love, then I predict you will spend your life lonely. There are no perfect people out there that I have ever met but I do believe in perfect love. Perfect love happens when you have a person in your life you are willing to support through all their ups and downs and who you love just as they are without exception. You may see things that you don’t like and that may not be good for you, but you love the person anyway. Perfect love is about accepting another individual exactly as they are without attempting to mold or change them into someone you would rather they’d be.

Weight Loss Quote: Jack Canfield

If you are serious about losing weight, remember the wisdom of Jack Canfield: “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.”

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Quote: Zig Ziglar

"The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want now."

--Zig Ziglar

Never is this quote more true than for people who are struggling to lose weight. We often trade that dessert, piece of chocolate or bag of potato chips for our long term goal of losing weight and becoming more physically fit. We must learn to put off momentary, fleeting satisfaction for the greater satisfaction of disciplining ourselves to accomplish the goals that will truly make a difference in our lives.

Check out our 13-page "Weight Loss from the Inside Out" report.

Parenting Conflict Quote: Wayne Dyer

"Conflict cannot survive without your participation."

-- Wayne Dyer

This is partly what I am proposing to parents. When you stop participating in the power struggle with your children, the power struggle must go away. I am not advocating giving up, however. What I am saying is that the best you can hope for with coercion is compliance---and that’s the best you’ll get. Some of you may think, great! As long as my child does what I tell him then everything will be all right. However, I said compliance is the BEST you will get. There are many less desirable outcomes.

When your child attempts to fight with you, don’t take the bait. Maintain the connection. If that’s not possible, calmly take a break from the situation with the understanding that you will talk about it later. Conflict cannot exist in the absence of resistance. Align yourself with your child’s resistance and you will have much less conflict.

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Quote: Acceptance and Letting Go

"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go."

  ~Author Unknown

This quote is pretty self-explanatory and really speaks to the issues of grief and loss. I keep coming back to the thought that we always have three choices---leave it, change it or accept it.

Since your partner has already chosen to leave, the option of you leaving is not available in its truest sense. But you can decide to stop thinking about the relationship so you can mentally leave. Some have actually chosen a more permanent solution and have made attempts to kill themselves. I don’t recommend this option because it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know the pain we experience when a loved one leaves us does subside with healing.

We can attempt to change it. This is when we engage in behavior to try to get our loved one back. I know the temptation is strong to choose this option and I even believe it doesn’t hurt to make an attempt to see if your partner is really serious about his or her choice. However, when you cross the line to begging, crying, stalking and otherwise coercing your former partner into coming back, you are setting both of you up for continued misery.

If you are truly ready to try the last option of accepting it so you can heal and start over, click here to look at our home study course entitled, "Prepare to Love Again."