Disagreements in relationships are inevitable. I have yet to meet a
couple who always wanted the same things at the same time in the same
way. Being two separate people means that at times, you will want
different things, thus creating disagreements. How you manage these
disagreements is key.
There are some gender differences that come
into play here. When a women is upset, she tends to keep quiet,
believing that if her partner truly loves her, then he will KNOW what
is wrong. When men get upset, they tend to withdraw within themselves
while they are working out a possible solution. Women are generally
ready to talk about problems much sooner than men and will attempt to
work things out while their male companion is still working things out
in his head. This can cause even further disruption in the
relationship.
One of the things I recommend first is that women need
to express their needs and desires to their mate with as few words as
possible. Women tend to go on and on about why they feel the way they
do when that only tends to confuse the issue for the men.
Secondly,
women need to give men the space they need to retreat into themselves.
Trust that they will return when they have a solution. Men need this
space. Women who try to engage men prior to them being ready will not
like the conversation they get.
Thirdly, I want to see men honoring
their women by listening to them and trying to understand their point
of view without feeling the need to defend themselves. When a woman is
upset, she typically speaks in absolutes such as, "You are NEVER home.
You NEVER listen to me. You NEVER help out around here." She doesn't
really mean "never" but she is venting and needs you to understand the
underlying meaning of what she says.
Finally, I strongly recommend
never going to bed angry at your partner. When we sleep on our anger
and resentments, they tend to grow, making it even more difficult to
start the healing process the next day. There is a lot more to
working out disagreements in relationships but this is a start.
Check out our home study course, "Relationships from the Inside Out" to learn more.
