Q: What are the pros and cons of hiring a private detective when you suspect your husband of being unfaithful?
A: I would say that my answer to this question would depend on what you hope to accomplish by hiring the detective. What will you do with the information? Of course the answer will be different for everyone but I would advise against hiring a private detective. What is it specifically in your relationship right now that leads you to believe your husband may be having an affair? Does he come home late from work? Is he suddenly taking business trips out of town? Have you found receipts for things that you know nothing about? Does he receive calls on his cell phone that he won’t take in front of you? There are all kinds of possible clues that someone may be cheating but none of these situations is proof.
I say deal with the information you do have. Confront the situations that are bothering you. Don’t accuse your man of having an affair without proof. Ask him to come home earlier. Ask if you can go on his next business trip with him. Ask him straightforwardly about any receipts you’ve found. Tell him when he doesn’t take calls, you get concerned that he is hiding something from you. You need to ask for what you want. If your husband won’t discuss the issue or refuses to negotiate a compromise, then you have to ask yourself if this is a relationship that you want to stay in, regardless or whether or not he is having an affair. A relationship is about give and take.
Now, let’s say that you do hire the detective and learn unequivocally that your husband is seeing another woman. What will you do? How will that information help you? Or, let’s say that the detective finds no proof of an illicit affair. Now how do you feel? Maybe you are relieved. What will you tell your husband when he learns that you have violated his privacy, had him followed and used family money to do it? Will you ever really trust your man? What kind of relationship do you really have if you have to spy on him?
I believe that in relationships, you need to evaluate the quality of the relationship you are in. Does it meet your needs? Is it what you want? Do you get as much as you give? There are ways to improve one’s relationship and if that is what you are interested in, coaching can help. Do something to improve things. Or make the decision to end the relationship. Once you violate the trust of your relationship by having your man followed, it is very difficult to get it back.
What do you, my readers, think?
If you are interested in coaching to figure out what to do with your relationship, go to the Relationship Center and check out our personalized coaching packages. It costs nothing to look.
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