Leadership Tips & Teamwork

Teamwork Quote

"As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to
hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might."

                             --Marian Anderson

One of the things that gets in the way of good teamwork is individual egos. People have often been programmed not to do their personal best but to strive to be better than anyone else. When this is the case, a person will go to extraordinary measures to appear to be the best. A person might cheat, lie or unfairly compete in order to be perceived as “the best”. As you can imagine, this is not something that enhances teamwork.

As the quote says, when we attempt to keep someone else down in an attempt to make ourselves look better, then we cannot be our best since we have to be “down there” to hold the other person down. The better approach is to develop a team attitude and decide what’s your best contribution to benefit the mission and vision of the team.

Book Review

Teamwork

Strong, positive teamwork is defined by a leader who has a vision and the ability to inspire his or her team to work toward the realization of that vision.

The leader is not threatened in the least by the expertise and diversity of his or her team. Rather, a good team leader engages his or her teammates in a discussion about what quality looks like, what is needed to perform and complete the job, and empowers the team members to always strive for quality improvement.

Let’s break all that down into its component parts.

• The first is a clearly defined leader. I believe every team must have a leader. There must be someone who is in charge and makes the ultimate decisions.

          Team members may take turns being the leader as long as everyone is clear who the leader is               on any given day. Another variation of that theme is to have certain people be the leader for               projects that are in their area of expertise. However, in every event, there can be no question           among teammates who is the leader for that day or project.

• The leader needs to have a vision. This is similar to Covey’s second habit, “Begin with the end in mind.” A true leader creates the end product twice--once mentally and then in its actual physical form. It is impossible to lead toward a fuzzy vision. People are simply not inspired to follow uncertainty.

• Having the vision is not enough to inspire teammates to strive toward the same goal. A good team leader knows how to help each teammate see how the end product or service will be useful and what, exactly, their individual contribution is toward that end.

How does the janitor contribute to fans’ enjoyment at a professional baseball game? By providing a clean, neat bathroom experience--that’s how. If the janitor sees himself as a critical cog in the big picture goal and he receives positive recognition for it, then he is more likely to perform his job with enthusiasm.

• Another component of being able to inspire one’s teammates is having a clearly defined mission that everyone, preferably, has had a part in developing, but if not, then at least team members can agree to the previously established team mission.

This becomes important in times of conflict between team members. When there is a dispute to be solved, it is helpful to have an already established way to measure the solution. Solutions are always held up against the mission and whether or not it will move the team closer to or further from the ultimate goal.

The other advantage of having a mission that has been agreed upon by all team members is that it can enhance cooperation. One of the most difficult things to manage on a team is an individual ego. There can be petty jealousies and a competitive spirit that can kill the cooperation of the best team. The mission statement is a way to minimize this potential for disaster.

The mission remains the focus to which everything else is compared. An individual’s action is either helpful or hurtful to the mission and dealt with accordingly. The group’s goal must always be placed above any individual’s desires or ego. Jealousy and backstabbing have no useful place on a team.

• A good leader is in no way threatened by the expertise and diversity of his or her team. The best leaders are always seeking information from the front line people who are doing the actual work. Without information from team members, the leader’s hands are tied behind his or her back.

It is also critical to use team members in their areas of expertise. Leaders can’t know everything about everything. There will be team members who have skills and abilities that surpass those of the leader in certain areas. A good leader will ask for help when it is prudent.

This is also a time to value diversity. Having a team made up of people who all do the same jobs in pretty much the same way really has no value. One person could more easily do the job than assembling a homogenous team.

The value of a team comes from its heterogeneity. Getting feedback and suggestions from people who do things differently is what will spark the creativity and the genius of the team. This is what masterminding is all about. Tap into the wealth that is already there.

• Finally, a good leader holds the bar high. He or she does not ask his team to be average or mediocre. Average and mediocre can be easily replaced. The leader asks his or her team to collectively do their very best and when they are done, the leader asks them to always strive for continuous improvement. The work is never done. The team should always be evaluating what has been implemented and be comfortable making suggestions for ways to do it even better.

Previously, I mentioned that a good leader empowers his or her teammates. Creating a need-satisfying environment does this. Team members must get along and know that the leader and the company have their best interests at heart. They must feel important, listened to and respected. They must have the freedom to make choices within the context of their assignments and they must have some fun in their work.

It is also critical for team members to feel safe. This means that they are not fearful in any way. The team leader is critical in fostering this environment for the empowerment of the entire team.

If you would like Kim to come to your company to provide teamwork training, call her at 708-957-6047 or email kim@coachingforexcellence.biz.

De-Escalation Skills Q & A

Question: I am a front line worker and I often get hit with angry people when what they are angry about has nothing to do with me. This gets me really angry because I end up getting yelled at for something I didn’t even do! It’s not fair and I don’t see why I have to be nice to them when they are obviously being disrespectful toward me.

Answer:Well, first of all I’m sure that as a front line worker you do catch a lot of the anger that is directed at the system, at the company or agency or at other people. That really is unfair and I’m sorry you have to go through that but it is what generally occurs nonetheless. (If you read previous posts, then you know I just used two diffusing anger skills--agreeing and apologizing.)

When you stated that this kind of treatment “gets you really angry”, I get concerned because it sounds like you are saying that you have no control over your anger. No one can “make you angry” unless you allow it by giving away your power. You can choose to stay calm in the wake of another person’s anger.

My final comment pertains to whether or not you have to “nice” to someone who is yelling at you. I am a big fan of saying, “You don’t HAVE to do anything.” You must ask yourself what is the usefulness of being nice to this person and what might the consequences be if I’m not. Make a rational, instead of emotional, decision about how to handle the situation. If your job is important to you and you can find satisfaction in maintaining your cool in the face of someone else’s anger instead of feeling that you must match your consumer angry decibel for angry decibel, then using the de-escalation skills I have outlined previously might be your wisest course of action. Obviously, keeping any consumer or customer satisfied with your company’s service is an asset for the company. Word of mouth can make or break a company. This should explain the usefulness of being nice and attempting to work it out even if it wasn’t your fault.

However, I can’t make you do it the way I think is best. You always have the option of unloading on the angry person all your own anger and frustration. You may feel better in the moment but my guess is that when you are unemployed and thinking about the behavior you chose, you may realize the short-lived satisfaction wasn’t worth it, after all.

If you would like further information on De-Escalation Skills, then click here. We offer a tip sheet and a more extensive e-course if you'd like to study these ideas in greater depth.

Tip: Unethical Behavior in the Workplace

I have been getting a lot of inquiries lately about what to do regarding unethical behavior in the workplace. While it is difficult to speak about this very broad topic without specific examples, I will try to give a broad, generic answer. First of all, I want to be clear that we are not talking about illegal behavior. What I am referring to in this tip is behavior that would be deemed unethical, not illegal. When you notice unethical behavior in the workplace, I believe your first responsibility is to speak directly to the person committing the offense. You should approach him or her with the attitude Stephen Covey discusses in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. His fifth habit is called, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

One of the biggest problems in relationships is self-righteousness. Once we know what is right and ethical for us, we believe we have THE answer about what is right and ethical for everyone. The area of ethical behavior is fluid and ever changing. While there are some absolutes such as it is unethical for a therapist to engage in sexual activity with his or her client, other ethical considerations are open for debate. So, approach the person you are having a problem with and discuss the situation in the spirit of trying to understand where that person is coming from. If this does not solve the issue, then you can tell the person that you intend to discuss the situation further with that person’s supervisor and invite him or her to that meeting.

Finally, there is one more area to consider. If you belong to a group that has ethical guidelines about what to do when another member of the group violates the ethical code, then you may have to report that person to their ethical body. Even if you are not a member honor-bound to report, you can take it upon yourself to report a colleague’s unethical behavior if they are in a field where their behavior is regulated.

From a choice theory perspective, you can’t change another person’s behavior. You can only provide them with information. It’s possible the person didn’t know he or she was being unethical. It’s possible you have a different interpretation of what unethical means in this particular situation. It’s possible that the behavior is supported by management. It’s possible you will do all that is available to you to report the offense and nothing will happen. You have to ask yourself what kind of person do you want to be in that situation.

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Book Review: Primary Domino Thinking

Primary Domino Thinking: Creating the Life You Want
by Anthony S. Dallmann-Jones, Ph.D.

This is a book that is relatively simple to read but contains some very important information regarding how we actually meet our goals in life. Dr. Dallmann-Jones speaks about the three parts to any deliberate transition in your life: your thoughts about where you want to go; the thoughts, behaviors, emotions and events in between; and the final result.  His contention is that if we are deliberate and mindful about setting that first primary thought, the primary domino thought, then the rest will automatically take care of itself. Once we program our brain to go in a certain direction, it has no choice but to follow our stated intention. Of course, it isn’t just as simple as all that. We must be very clear and deliberate about what we want and ignore anything that is competing for our attention. This would include the naysayers in our lives, the well-intentioned who are trying to counsel us in a different direction, as well as any competing negative thoughts we may be having about ourselves and our ability to accomplish our goals.

Click here to order this book

De-Escalation Skills Quote

"Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him."
                             --Epictetus

This quote speaks to this week’s theme on managing anger/de-escalation skills. It addresses giving away one’s personal power to another person by not staying grounded and calm when attacked. Whenever we give another person the power to manipulate our emotions, we lose our own internal power. When you tap into the store of power within you, then no one can shake you from your path. If you choose to be happy or at peace, then you will be regardless of what’s going on around you.

De-Escalation Skills: Intervention Phase

Prevention goes a long way. However, there will still be times when you don’t notice the early warning signs or when your first encounter with the person occurs when they are already in an angry state.

Also, it’s possible that you will do everything right in the prevention phase and angry people will still choose anger as their best chance for getting what they want. When any of these situations occur, the listener will need to employ one or all of the five de-escalation skills.

Intervention Steps:

1. Active listening is the process of really attempting to hear, acknowledge and understand what a person is saying. It is a genuine attempt to put oneself in the other person’s situation. More than anything, this involves LISTENING! Listening means attending not only to the words the other person is saying but also the underlying emotion, as well as, the accompanying body language.

By simply providing a sounding board and a willing ear, a person’s anger can be dissipated.

2. Acknowledgment occurs when the listener is attempting to sense the emotion underlying the words a person is using and then comments on that emotion. The person may say something like, “You sound really angry right now!” By acknowledging and really trying to understand what the angry person is feeling, that person becomes able to release a lot of the aggression.

3. Agreeing--often when people are angry about something, there is at least 2 % truth in what they are saying. When attempting to diffuse someone’s anger, it is important to find that 2 % of truth and agree with it.

When someone is angry and the listener attempts to reason with the person, his or her efforts will be largely ineffective. When the listener agrees with the 2% of truth in the angry person’s tirade, he or she takes away the resistance and consequently eliminates the fuel for the fire.

4. Apologizing is a good de-escalation skill. I’m not talking about apologizing for an imaginary wrong. I am talking about sincerely apologizing for anything in the situation that was unjust. It’s simply a statement acknowledging that something occurred that wasn’t right or fair.

This can have the effect of letting angry people know that the listener is sincerely sorry for what they are going through and they may cease to direct their anger at the person attempting to help.

5. Inviting criticism is the final of the de-escalation skills. In this instance the listener would simply ask the angry person to voice his or her criticism of the listener or the situation. The person intervening might say something like, “Go ahead. Tell me everything that has you upset. Don’t hold anything back. I want to hear everything you are angry about.”

This invitation will sometimes temporarily intensify the angry emotion but if the listener continues to encourage the person to vent his or her anger and frustration, eventually, the angry person runs out of complaints. Just let the angry person vent until the anger is spent.

Even when using the above skills, there may be a rare occasion when the listener is unsuccessful in the attempts to decrease the other person’s anger. The listener’s safety should be the primary concern. The listener should not get between the angry person and his or her only means of escape and shouldn’t allow the angry person to block the listener’s only means of escape.

Anyone intervening in an emotionally charged situation should always have a plan or an established way to get help if needed and remember to always stay calm. An angry person is generally someone capable of getting out of control. When out of control people sense they are intimidating and scaring others, it can increase their sense of power and control, resulting in an escalation of the situation. The helpers must stay calm and act as if they are in control of themselves and the situation.

If you would like further information on De-Escalation Skills, then click here. We offer a tip sheet and a more extensive e-course if you'd like to study these ideas in greater depth.

De-Escalation Steps: Prevention Phase

Being able to de-escalate one’s own and the anger of others is an important skill to have in business. Hopefully, this is not something the reader deals with on a regular basis but unfortunately most people in business encounter either their own anger or the anger of others more frequently than they would like.

In order to be successful at de-escalating anger, a person must understand and become skillful in prevention and intervention areas. Today I want to discuss the prevention phase.

Prevention Steps:

1. Recognize that anger is a choice of a wide range of behaviors that could be used to get what one needs in a situation. It is a behavior that has benefit for its user. Anger can get people the attention they need, help them escape things they don’t want to do, help them gain control over another person or situation, or pump them up when they are feeling small and insignificant.

2. The person interacting with the angry person must identify his or her own emotions at any given point in time. If the helping person is also experiencing anger, then that person will not be very effective assisting others to manage theirs.

3. When potential interventionists are experiencing anger, they must be able to change what they are doing or thinking to get their emotions under control or seek the assistance they will need to manage the situation.

4. Perform a quick self-assessment. A potential helper must ask the following questions. Can I avoid criticizing and finding fault with the angry person? Can I avoid being judgmental? Can I keep from trying to control the other person into doing something he or she doesn’t want to do? Can I keep myself removed from the conflict? Can I believe that the people using anger have the right to make decisions and choices about how they meet their needs and that they have within them the ability to make those decisions? Can I try to see the situation from the angry person’s point of view and understand what need or needs he or she is trying to satisfy? And finally, can I remember that my job is to place the healing of relationships as my primary concern?

If the listener can’t answer these questions in the affirmative, then he or she will need assistance in managing the person who is expressing anger.

5. Recognize early warning signs. Many incidents of anger could be prevented if those who are around a person about to become angry notice the subtle change in the person’s behavior. Quiet people may become agitated; while louder, more outgoing people generally become quiet and introspective. Paying attention to these subtle changes and simply commenting on the change could help the individual talk about things so he or she wouldn’t have to become angry.

Next time, let's discuss the intervention phase.

If you would like further information on De-Escalation Skills, then click here. We offer a tip sheet and a more extensive e-course if you'd like to study these ideas in greater depth.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

On Monday, January 19, 2009, this country celebrates the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I have a great friend and colleague, Marcus Gentry, who will be performing as Dr. Martin Luther King that day at the Dusable Museum of African-American History in Chicago. If you can get there, you will not be disappointed. Mr. Gentry performs there every year and does a phenomenal job. Close your eyes and you would believe Dr. Martin Luther King were in the room with you.

What else is so special about Marcus Gentry's performance is that he doesn't just tell the story of Dr. Martin Luther King's life as a civil rights leader. Mr. Gentry tells the story of Dr. King as a boy, a student, a man, a husband and a father. His life is made real for the audience.

If you want to listen to Marcus Gentry performing some of Dr. Martin Luther King's speeches, then click here. Marcus Gentry can be also be contacted at www.marcusgentry.com should you want to book him to portray Dr. Marin Luther King at one of your events.

Quote on Goal Setting

"If you want to do anything you find a way. If you don't want to do anything you find an excuse." –unknown

This quote is self-explanatory. If you really want to do something, you figure out a way to do it. Can you remember something in your life that was so important to you, you thought you’d just die if you didn’t get it or get to do it? I’d be willing to bet that you did whatever was necessary to make it happen. Do you remember the true story of Carl Brashear, played by Cuba Gooding, Jr. in Men of Honor? If you didn’t see the movie, I don’t want to spoil it for you but Brashear provides a living example of doing whatever it takes to achieve one’s goal. When you don’t want to do something, it’s easy to find an excuse.

What is your predominant mode of going through life? Are you doing whatever it takes to accomplish your goals or are you basically coasting through life, making excuses for why you aren’t doing what you need to do? If you answered the latter, what would it take to move you into the former category? Do you think a coach might help?

If you are interested in coaching, check out our individualized coaching packages at http://www.coachingforexcellence.biz/coaching.shtml or email kim@coachingforexcellence.biz to schedule a free 20-minute trial coaching session.