Effective Communication

Everybody knows how important communication is in a relationship, right? Not necessarily. Some people are introverted and don’t like much talking and verbal processing in their relationship. Other people value communication very highly. In every relationship, there are communication challenges to be overcome simply because two different people come from two different backgrounds and hence communicate differently.

It’s important that you do your best to understand and honor your partner’s uniqueness and communication preferences. While some communication differences have been attributed to gender differences, others are due to personality differences, and still others to genetic influences.

In loving, adult relationships, it is best to communicate with the understanding that you are each individuals with your own needs,strengths, and desires. Engage in verbal exchanges that are only worthy of your equal. To tap into each other’s deepest desire, remember that men crave respect and appreciation, while women want to be loved and cherished. If you maintain this focus in your communication, your partner will most assuredly listen.

When you talk to your loved one, take the time to consider how your words will sound to him or her. Ask yourself the question, “If I say what I am about to say, will it move me closer to or further away from this person I love?” If the answer is further away, then find another way to communicate. If the answer is closer, then do it. If you don’t know, ask.

Excerpt from Kim's forthcoming book,  Secrets of Happy Couples due for release in October 2010. Sign up for Kim's newsletter and receive a free chapter of the book!